Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
