im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just cut my nipple shaving
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
