i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just sent this text using only my big toe
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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