you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
