so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
