history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
