I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
