At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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