Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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