i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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