I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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