some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
