What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
