I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
