Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
