You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
