Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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