You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
