need another drink. this is the easiest way
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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