he wants to bone in the snuggie
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
