Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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