oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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