Don't make out with my wife yet
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
