talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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