I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
