My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
