i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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