I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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