turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
