Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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