Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why do cheetos always look like penises
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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