I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
