apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize