Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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