you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
