Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so let's talk penis.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
