is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
