I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
