When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
