My room smells like vodka and shame
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
