I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
