he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
