Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
