And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
