I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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