It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
