Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
