Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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