All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
