Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
