apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
