i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
