youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
