Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
its not stalking. its research.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
