I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
