i think my mom watched the whole time
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
