remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
