Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she peed on how many people?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
