i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
smell my finger.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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