have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
