is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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