I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
