I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
