so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
