problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
