I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
