see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
