i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I deserve this hangover.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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