i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
