I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
