Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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